Elyria Man Says Girls Can Earn "Points" and Illuminati Payment for Sex

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In a tactic familiar to conniving bullies everywhere, a man in — you guessed it — Elyria is now facing felony gross sexual imposition charges after allegedly trying to convince two teenage girls that they would receive payment from the Illuminati if they consented to sexual relations with him.

I know what you're thinking: What other conniving bully fabricates bogus allegiances with nonexistent secret societies to lure or otherwise sexually entice unsuspecting teenagers?

Answer: not many, granted. However, bullies are historically fond of inventing fake rewards to bend the will of impressionable youngsters.

According to an assistant county prosecutor in Lorain County — via the reporting of Brad Dicken at the Chronicle-Telegram — this dude Nelson Torres (for that is the name of our Illuminati emissary) usually just offers "points" for sex rituals. Or rather, he'll tell teenage girls that they can join a secret society and thereafter earn points by performing various tasks and blow jobs.

Nelson also told the girl that “the more points, the more money,” according to court documents. When the teen asked if it was illegal, Nelson said it wasn’t, but that she “would have to go out of her comfort zone,”

Yeah, but who wouldn't go out of her comfort zone for a few extra fake points?

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