by Kyle Swenson
A Scene weekly feature ranking local newsmakers.
1. US Rep. Marcia Fudge The decision to limit early voting hours wasn't a political decision, John Husted claims. Bro, get serious, the US Congresswoman counters as she stands up with other local pols against the Republican's move.
2. Alan Cox and Chad Zumock WMMS afternoon crew torched a stack of the mommy-porn bestseller 50 Shades of Grey, kicking up the outrage of absolutely no one who has spent any time whatsoever with the book.
3. 4Chan When some a-hole posted a photo of himself stomping lettuce, the hacker collective followed the online breadcrumbs to the Burger King in Mayfield Heights. Everyone knows hackers take Whoppers very seriously.
4. Connie Schultz Former PD scribe and Sherrod Brown significant-other clowned online a conservative muckraker who found a picture of husband and wife cuddling — but Schultz declined to name the idiot. Old school journalist, always letting “integrity” and “class” get in the way of a epic troll burn.
5. Andrew Bynum Please just fucking come already.