Derek Anderson Declares "Derek Anderson Day" at Memphis Kiddie Park

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Brookpark, OHIO — Just a few days after Cedar Point, the world famous amusement park in Sandusky, held "Brady Quinn Day," Derek Anderson, the Browns' other quarterback, showed up unannounced at Memphis Kiddie Park in Brookpark, Ohio, in full gear proclaiming it "Derek Anderson Day." The park's operators were unaware of any such event.

"We were just having a normal weekend," said manger Steven Wright. "There were about two dozen families here playing on the mini-slides and mini-roller coasters, then suddenly this really tall guy shows up in full football uniform. We were on the verge of calling the cops until we realized it was really Derek Anderson. None of us even knew what he looked like until today."

While thousands showed up at Cedar Point for a chance to grab an autograph from Quinn or a picture with the former Notre Dame stud, Anderson walked aimlessly around Memphis Kiddie Park offering to make balloon animals for the handful of locals in attendance. After noticing the quarterback hunched over quietly behind a bush, gently weeping, park managers finally offered to let Anderson work the ticket window. "We just felt a little bad for the guy," said Wright. "No one wanted to talk to him."

While Quinn road the Millenium Force and other world-renowned coasters, Anderson struggled to fit his 6'7" frame into an airplane ride meant for 3-year-olds, nevertheless calling it "the best ride ever." While Quinn partied at an amusement park consistently ranked among the very best in the world, Anderson spent most of his time making change for parents who ran out of quarters.

Still, Anderson deemed "Derek Anderson Day" a success.

"Sure, I would have liked the turnout to be higher. Sure, I would have liked for a single person to have asked for my autograph. Sure, I would have liked if only one or two people asked me if Brady was on his way instead of everyone I met. But everything can't be perfect," said Anderson by phone while en route to "Derek Anderson Day" at Pet Smart.

When reached for comment, the manager of Pet Smart said, "No, we are not hosting a 'Derek Anderson Day.'"

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