The Cleveland Browns have captains, apparently. Who knew? This year they are Josh Cribbs, Phil Dawson, Joe Thomas, Jamal Lewis, D'Qwell Jackson and Eric Barton. And captains, of course, get to wear this nifty little captain's patch with the stars for how many years you've received the honor. Since it's readily clear that our team needs some help, pick, up this patch for yourself, sew it on something, and see if they'll let you play. Seriously, you can't be worse than Hank Poteat.