Ozzie Guillen Very Familiar With Matt LaPorta's Scouting Report

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The term "word vomit" was made for guys like Ozzie Guillen. And even that doesn't do justice the profanity-laced tirades of the White Sox manager, the jibberish that comes out of his mouth, or his seeming disregard for getting facts and names right.

Take his postgame press conference after the Tribe's 3-2 win the other night. Guillen had let starter Jake Peavy stay in the game despite being over the 100-pitch mark. That decision didn't go so well.

Here's Ozzie's explanation, which... well, you'll see.


"I like the match-ups [to start the inning],'' Guillen said. "That was the plan [to leave Peavy in] no matter what. Because I had [right-handed hitters Austin] Kearns and 'MaTola,' whatever his name is, the first baseman, the fat guy, I don't know what [his] f——— name is - [Matt] LaPorta - on the bench and I didn't want them to face Matt [Thornton]. I thought Peavy was throwing the ball well, and the plan was to get into [switch-hitter Asdrubal] Cabrera, Cabrera is a way better hitter right-handed than lefty, and unfortunately he hit the home run [off Peavy].''

Yes. We have a fat guy named "MaTola" and Ozzie Guillen doesn't really know or care what his fucking name is.

Follow me on Twitter: @vincethepolack.

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