Classic Rock Humor from the Onion

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According to the Onion, a secret cult that includes classic-rock guitar gods Jimmy Page, Billy Gibbons and Brian May has plans to save music.

Writes the satirical newspaper: "Calling it the planet's last, best hope for saving rock music, the Guardians of the Protectorate of Rock announced Monday that they would take the extraordinary step of unleashing a never-before-heard Jimmy Page riff, hidden for decades in a mythic, impenetrable vault."

The story goofs on the Zeppelin IV runes, Fall Out Boy and Jimmy Buffet. We think it's a joke story, but we're not entirely sure. —D.X. Ferris

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