Best Player Who Got Away

Bartolo Colon/Andre Miller (tie)

Softspoken fat men have always been the stuff of legend in Cleveland. Take Drew Carey. Take Al Roker. Take Big Dawg. But why in hell did you take our Bartolo Colon? The vaguely spherical Dominican was the dominant ace that Tribe fans -- and Tribe brass -- have waited for since Gaylord Perry was greasing up curveballs in the early '70s. And Bart likely would've been every bit as overpowering in 2005, when our next Era of Champions is scheduled to arrive. Take Wayne Garland. Take Bob Owchinko. Take Juan Eichelberger. But for heaven's sake, why did you take our Bartolo Colon?

Erstwhile Cavalier Andre Miller wins the Bataan Death March Award for surviving an entire season with the 29-53 Cavs. They were too torturous to even watch; can you imagine actually playing 82 games for them? Second, he led the NBA in assists, despite being surrounded by players who have trouble just hitting their mouths while eating hot dogs. Third, Miller didn't lie down, as required by NBA bylaws, when it was clear from opening night that the Cavs would need divine intervention just to reach .500. The guy plays D, isn't afraid to enter the paint, and doesn't give up. Which, of course, is why the Cavs traded him to L.A.