The Masons have long been a secretive, ominous group. They're derived from the same forces of darkness that brought you the New World Order, the Zionist Conspiracy, the Trilateral Commission, and other noted enemies of hearth and home. Now this nefarious enclave has embedded itself in the Cleveland Police Department's Fourth District. Officer Charles Muhammad has proof.
In March, Muhammad went on trial for allegedly tipping off a drug dealer about a buy/bust on the corner of Lee Road and Harvard Avenue, a sting set up by the Fourth District Vice Unit. Officers testified that, just before the bust went down, Muhammad pulled up in his squad car and told the dealer that his customer was an informant, much to the chagrin of colleagues lurking nearby.
But Muhammad claims he was set up. The reason: He's black, and he's Muslim.
At first look, The Edge, being the media slime we are, thought this another juicy case of police corruption and prejudice. After all, last year's uproar involving imaginary Klan sects in the CPD made for swell, salacious copy. But there was one major problem with Muhammad's claims: Most of the cops he accuses of racism are black. All of which left The Edge pondering that ancient philosophical question, "What the hell?"
The jury deadlocked at Muhammad's first trial. He now faces a second for obstruction of official police business. But in a recent chat with The Edge, Muhammad finally revealed the answer to our vexing question: Just as we suspected, the strings of this conspiracy are being pulled by a familiar puppetmaster.
"These are Masons," says Muhammad of his accusers. "Masons lie. Masons take a secret oath."
His proof? "I'm a police officer. I know."
Of course, this should come as no shock to anyone familiar with history. The Masons long ago entered a secret pact with the Council on Foreign Relations, the United Nations, and Sam's Club to bring about a One World Order led by a 12-headed beast sprung from the bowels of Kofi Annan. The only surprise is that more people haven't caught on to the breadth of this conspiracy. Think about it: LTV collapses, the Indians relinquish first place, Charles Muhammad gets in trouble for tipping off drug dealers. All a coincidence? We don't think so.