Jon Bon Jovi
Real name: John Francis Bongiovi Jr.
Cowboy qualifications/special talents: Rides a steel horse; capable of simultaneously seeing and rocking a million faces; can concentrate power into ballad form.
Political views: Campaigned for John Kerry; champions underdogs such as diner waitresses and dock workers; new album contains vague protest tunes.
Real name: Robert James Ritchie
Cowboy qualifications/special talents: Can detect porcine scent for up to a mile; answers to "Hoss"; employed the late little person Joe C as a Sundance Kid-style sidekick.
Political views: Took a shot at fellow cowpoke Bon Jovi, challenging him to play for troops in Iraq. Probably the only attendee at last year's Republican National Convention who appeared in Buttman at Nudes a Poppin' 9.
Real name: Marion Michael Morrison
Cowboy qualifications/special talents: Portrayed a cowboy so often and so definitively that even the western-attired male prostitute from Midnight Cowboy intoned his name with awe.
Political views: Posthumously drew the ire of Public Enemy, who labeled him a racist for his on-screen killings of thousands of Native American warriors and Japanese soldiers. Supported Richard Nixon and Vietnam. Released a 1973 album called America, Why I Love Her. Though the record contains only readings of patriotic poems, it compares favorably with anything Bon Jovi or Kid Rock has generated in the past five years.