News » News Features

Bring on the Nasty

It’s Scene’s Lust survey on sex & romance. Grab a towel and join the fun


Page 3 of 4

What's the best local place for a hookup?

TOP ANSWER: The Warehouse District

Other responses:

• Any winery out east.

• Around the Corner.

• Barroom. It's too easy sometimes though.

• Christie's.

• Heinen's.

• Now That's Class.

• Pug Mahone's.

• The Harbor Inn.

What's the best place for finding your future spouse?

TOP ANSWER: Indians games. Girls there usually love sports (check),

are hot (check), tanned (check), and not afraid to show some skin to

attract males. All great qualities.

Other responses:

• A Cleveland Orchestra show. Classy yet kinky.

• Anywhere but West Sixth.

• Church.

• Farmers markets.

• Doing community theater.

• Home Depot.

• Cleveland Museum of Art.

• Who needs a spouse when it is so easy to fuck some other asshole's spouse?

Do you have a confession you'd like to

make to a lover past or present?

• I should've fucked you when you booty-called me.

It would've been a nice last run before I started seeing my wife.

• Cheated on ex-wife once, but she did it even worse to me.

• I was thinking about your mom the whole time.

• I wasn't really sorry that time I accidentally came in your eye.

• I went on a date with your mother a month after we broke up.

• To my ex-husband: I hated every single minute with you.

• The sex was the worst I ever had, ever!

What's the greatest thing you've learned from experience?

• It's not the meat. It's the motion.

• Age is just a number. Sex is just natural.

People are just people. And nothing is

ever as big a deal as you imagine.

• Always have the number of dicks exceed the

number of vaginas.

• Bitches be crazy. Perhaps cliché, but so, so true.

• No matter what the hole, only three fingers, tops,

can realistically fit in. Unless you are in the circus.

• Chemistry is everything. You cannot create it;

it has to be there to start.

• Everyone's crazy and nobody's perfect. Life's too short to

not be as happy as possible. So never settle for someone who

doesn't get you or wants to change you into something you're not.

Move on and be happy.

• Full house beats 3 of a kind, but nothing beats a blowjob.

• Get her to orgasm first, then enjoy the ride.

• I love getting my balls licked.

• If you're ten years older than the girl you're dating, either demand

an open relationship or don't be surprised when you get cheated on.

• It's better to spit out than swallow.

• Sex gets better with experience, and if you're monogamous,

you only infect each other with whatever disease you have.

• The older I get, the better I get. No bullshit.

• Know when to just nod and smile.

"Surprisingly, or perhaps not, 2 out of every 3 respondents were dudes.

" Women either are functioning better with their lives or they don't want to share it," says Laura. "Maybe guys are more willing to put themselves out there. Maybe they should be talking to women more and expressing themselves less in anonymous surveys.""

The national

gay population is pegged at around 3.5%. Yet not a single respondent identified as being straight-up homo.

"Maybe it's that gay people feel too trivialized — or maybe too mainstream — to be a part of it," says Laura. "That would be sad."

Who would you rather....Halle Berry or Kate Voegele?

Halle: 61%

• Because she was dirtay in that movie with Billy Bob Thornton.

• Because a hot bat-shit crazy cougar turns me on.

• She ages well.

• At least Halle looks like she would know what to do in bed.

Kate: 32%

• Because she has actual talent.

• Anyone that can sing like that has got to be crazy in bed.

• Young and innocent ... and breasts you just can't ignore!

• Musician chicks are sexy.

Doesn't matter/other: 7%

"I think all the embarrassments and

all the worst dates are pretty universal,

and I would say the kinks are too,"

Laura says without batting an eye.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club for as little as $5 a month.