- Destiny's Child
You've gotta wonder how many truly "independent women" will show up at the Destiny's Child hoedown. Can these independent women drive? Stay up later than 9 p.m.? Can their allowances withstand the $18.95 it takes to rock out to Survivor, Destiny's newest offering of bombastic, man-bashing songs? Probably not. Too bad. Destiny's Child is a neat little microcosm of kill-or-be-killed Darwinist teen pop, with prospective band members dropping like flies as radio hit after radio hit extols the virtues of headstrong, no-bullshit ladies takin' it to the scrubs of the world. Survivor's quite the schizophrenic trip, ripping off everyone from Stevie Nicks to Salt 'n' Pepa, Gloria Estefan, and those guys who wrote "Tarzan Boy." This is the sort of record that includes both "Bootylicious," a hit single with the chorus "I don't think you're ready for this jelly," and a cooing gospel medley. Now that's range. Musically, the album's all pretty generic R&B pop, though it does offer intriguing, gospel-like readings of lines like "Put some clothes on!" Expect myriad costume changes, lip-syncing, and maniacal screaming from the rafters. And, as if that's not enough, teenybopper Jessica Simpson will be there to flaunt her virginity, and St. Louis rapper Nelly will flaunt his Midwest hip-hop. All the while, Eve, the one artist on the bill with some kind of staying power, will wonder why she's even there.