Blimey, lads, St. Patrick's Day is upon us again -- that one time of the year when making fun of our Irish friends is perfectly acceptable (such as using dumb-ass phrases like "blimey").
This time around, however, we thought it more interesting if the Irish just made fun of themselves -- particularly U2, but Bono didn't return our calls. The next best thing? Well, a bunch of Irish-American bands.
The most accurate Irish-American stereotype?
Yes, we like a bevy now and then, but we only drink on the days of the week that end with a Y. -- Steve Twigger, Gaelic Storm
That Irish-Americans can be more Irish than the Irish sometimes. -- Bob Schmidt, Flogging Molly
Oversexed, overeducated, fabulously rich people who believe that stereotypes have something to do with Remington typewriters. -- Larry Kirwan, Black 47
Many people seem to think that the Irish-American is a freckly, Irish-music-lovin' pint-swallower. -- Keith Roberts, The Young Dubliners
The least accurate Irish-American stereotype?
We do not have small willies. It's the cold. -- Twigger
Many believe they have red hair everywhere. This is not always true. I have no further comment. -- Roberts
Favorite Irish-American stereotype?
The guy down at the L Street Tavern with his "Southie Tuxedo" [a full tracksuit] and Kangol scally cap. He's a friggin' riot! -- Matthew Kelly, Dropkick Murphys
The Lucky Charms leprechaun. -- Twigger
That they love anything Irish. This helps us sell albums and have wild live shows. Usually means a good party after the show too! -- Roberts
Favorite beer to abuse on St. Patrick's Day?
It would have to be Guinness, of course -- but you have to be lucky. Not all pints are created equal, and there are many dodgy establishments serving crap. -- Roberts
"My dear man," as Oscar [Wilde] might have said, "one does not abuse what one loves. One merely indulges." -- Kirwan
What do the Irish like to do more than drink, fistfight, and fight fires?
Drink, fistfight, and chase women. Ask Colin Farrell. -- Twigger
Favorite St. Patrick's Day memory?
Not sure. I usually black out about halfway through the day. -- Kelly
If you have any, then it must not have been that good. The day after Paddy's Day is usually spent calling friends and family to apologize for whatever you did last night and then asking them, "What did I do?" -- Roberts
The MC at a graveyard gig on Christopher Street forgetting the name of my band and instead yelling into the microphone, "Irish cock tonight!" -- Kirwan
Greatest Irish rock band ever?
Thin Lizzy, baby. -- Kelly
Red Hugh O'Donnell and the Elizabethan Slayers. -- Kirwan
Is James Joyce everything he's cracked up to be?
Absolutely. "The sacred pint alone could unbind the tongue of Dedalus," from The Dubliners. Nuff said. -- Kelly
And more, but he'll never be on American Idol, so who gives a damn! -- Kirwan
Try reading Ulysses and make up your own mind. Most never finish, but say how wonderful it is. He has created a lot of liars. Quite the achievement. -- Roberts
Can't understand a word he wrote. -- Twigger
Bono: Name him a saint, or ban him from opening his mouth except while onstage?
Rock and roll and politics should be cousins, not brothers. Shut the fuck up . . . except when onstage! -- Kelly
Saint. Although I wish he would get caught with some hookers and blow once in a while, just so we know he's human. -- Twigger
He was quite the plonker in the early days, but I think he has redeemed himself of late. I'll sign the sainthood petition when it comes around -- and I buy RED now! -- Roberts
Is being an altar boy as dangerous as it sounds?
Well, put it this way: We thought that "no" meant "yes" up till high school. -- Kelly
Not for me, at least. But I was mostly on the wedding and funeral circuit. -- Schmidt
Do I get a special treat if I tell you? -- Twigger