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Justice for All

Texas comedian saddles up for the road.

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Comedian Todd Justice doesn’t mind touring all the time. After all, it’s part of the business. But, he admits, he gets lonely every now and then. On Valentine’s Day, he broke down and called an escort service for a little company. “But I dialed the wrong number and got Kinko’s,” he says. “She said, ‘Can I help you?’ I said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I need to place an order.’ ‘How many pieces would you like?’ ‘I dunno -- two?’ ‘Do you want us to staple them together?’ ‘Hell, I’m from Texas. You can tie ’em up with a rope, for all I care.’”

And even though he hails from the Lone Star state, Justice -- a former appliance salesman and musician -- says he’s no cowboy. “I’ve never gone up in a helicopter to look at my spread,” he says. “I can’t even ride a horse. But I’ve seen one.” The chrome-domed comic says he’d rather spend his time testing hair-growth products. So far, he’s had no luck. “They say Rogaine takes 40 days to see results,” he sighs. “And they give you a 30-day guarantee.”
Thu., June 7, 8:30 p.m.; June 8-9, 8 & 10:30 p.m.

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