You sick bastards. Yes, each year we invite a big ol' ugly mess of trouble when we go public with our Sex & Romance survey.
This year, we served up more questions than ever before — and you served up an unprecedented batch of filth and frivolity in response. Indeed, the false security of the internet brings out the bargain-bin porn star in you like nothing else, dear Cleveland.
What follows are your greatest hits from this year's survey: enough anal sex and boner talk to make Mom forget all about our regularly scheduled sex ads, at least till next week.
For more sordid results from this year's survey, stay tuned to clevescene.com and follow our exploits on Facebook.
And now, without further ado, welcome to Lust 2011: The Scene Sex & Romance survey. Get the shower running, good readers. You're gonna need it ...
How often do you think about sex?
• I have been married for almost seven years, so not as much as I use to.
• About 3 or 4 times a week.
• A couple times a day.
• I think about sex every time a hot guy passes me.
• Not so much; about 15 times a day.
• A few times every hour.
• Eight hours a day
• Way too often for polite company.
• Only a few times ... per ... minute.
• Sixty times a minute.
• 24-7 — I'm a male.
• All the damn time.
• Only when I'm awake.
• What was the question again?
What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?
• A long time ago, I had sex with three guys in one setting, not all at the same time, but one after another.
• A gang-bang with four guys.
• The wife's not into it. But there was a short period of time where we had lots of sex, oral and regular.
• An eight-way in the Hollywood Hills overlooking L.A.!! All hot guys!
• I've gotten it on with the gearshift in a car.• Anal beads, threesome, and a swinger party where I hooked up with a foursome.
• Ass finger.
• A midget and a trapeze.
• Ass to mouth.
• I've been tied to the rafters and left standing on my tippy-toes while being whipped.
• Blowjob under the desk while my boyfriend had a client in the office.
• I fisted my partner from behind while she was tied and I was flogging her.• Devil's threesome.
• Had sex with toothpaste.
• Held a knife to my lover's throat at her request.
• Had sex on a picnic table in the Metroparks during the day.
• Hosted an orgy in my backyard ... with my former in-laws.
• Laxatives, shower curtain, fluorescent crayons, black light, lobster bib.
• Made a porno with two women who hated each other.
• Tossed the salad of several women at an orgy back in the day.
• Tried to suck my own cock.
• Answered a sex survey.
What's the kinkiest thing you'd do if the opportunity arose?
• Sex with two women.
• Sex with three women.
• Add another midget.
• Anal while watching Dr. Phil.
• I'd do anything that doesn't tie me
up and let some psycho cut me
• Double penetration.
• Two men, double penetration.
• Watch and instruct my man and
• Fuck my boyfriend in the ass while
he orally pleasures someone else.
• I'd like to tie up my husband while
me and another lady pleasured
• Let my lover peg me with a strap-on.
• My guy won't have sex outside,
and I wish he would.
• Probably anything but anal.
• Anything not feces related.
• Sex at an Indians or Browns game.
• Sex on a motorcycle.
• Sex on the lawn at Blossom during
• Sex on the observatory deck of the
• Three-way with gay porn stars.
• Two Words: Moon Doggies. It's
absolutely critical that the peanut
butter is organic.