Find that nineteenth-century Empire chair, or maybe grandpa's long-lost glass eyeball, at the Cleveland Play House's annual Treasure Sale, which starts tonight with a benefit preview party. Check out lots of crystal, an eighteenth-century dropleaf table, and a U.S. Post Office cubbyhole that once belonged to Wicked Witch of the West Margaret Hamilton (apparently, the flying monkeys didn't deliver her mail) before the unwashed public gets its fingerprints on them. Admission to the preview, which includes an hors d'oeuvres reception, is $35. For more information, call 216-795-7000, extension 225. At 8500 Euclid Avenue; the reception begins at 5:30 p.m.
The last time Chicago polka star Eddie Blazonczyk played Cleveland, he got a rock-star reception from the blue-haired contingent. "Kids talk about a mosh pit. Well, we had people ten to fifteen deep around the stage," trying to touch the garment hem of the Grammy-winning singer, says organizer Joyce Resek. Raise cane tonight from 8 till midnight, when Eddie and his band, the Versatones, perform bouncy hits like the "Who the Hell Is Johnny Polka" and "Polka Dance Tonight" from their fifty-album repertoire. At St. John Cantius Auditorium, 906 College Avenue. Tickets are $12; call 216-524-1641.
Crimson sideburns, gold lame jackets, and Russian accents--surfabilly band the Red Elvises have got a lot going for them, and their witty songs (including "Red Lips, Red Eyes, Red Stockings," "Sad Cowboy Love Song," and "Painted Love") aren't bad, either. In fact, a guy in Los Angeles liked them so much, he hired them as the house band at his brother's funeral. They also went over big in Oklahoma City, where they sweated through a set at a converted martial arts gym called Club Samurai. Top secret: Three of the four band members are supposed to be from Siberia, but they're really just plain Eastern European, from less-remote Russian provinces and Ukraine. Try to distinguish their regional dialects when they roll into Wilbert's, 1360 West Ninth Street, tonight at 10. Tickets are $7, available at the door or by calling 216-241-5555.
National Lardass Rush Limbaugh slides on some grapes this weekend at Harpersfield Vineyard in Madison, courtesy of the Maple Leaf Theatre Company, a plucky troupe of amateur thespians. In Rush Limbaugh in Night School, the talk-show buddha takes five when he falls in the ratings, donning a fake beard and signing up for Spanish classes at the New School for Social Research. You know the rest: He falls in love with a former '70s radical and winds up in a production of Othello starring Garrison Keillor and Jackie Mason. The parody breaks wind outdoors at 8:30 p.m.; tickets are $10 tonight, $12 on Saturday. Harpersfield Vineyard is on Route 307, three and a half miles east of Route 528. For more information, call 440-942-7075.
There's salsa, but no chips, at the Sagrada Familia Festival, where gambling's not allowed, but swiveling hips are. The celebration's better known as the San Juan Batista Festival, but the name changed this year, when the namesake parish merged with another Latino church in the neighborhood, and together they took the name "Holy Family." Investigate their new digs at 7719 Detroit Road, where parishoners will serve traditional Mexican dishes today and Sunday, and local salsa bands will play both nights. Admission is free; for more information, call the church at 216-631-2888.
Deadbolt those zippers! The penises of America fall prey to giant rubbers in Killer Condom, a highly sophisticated trashy film that has shark-toothed prophylactics terrorizing the tiny town of New York City. The plot thickens when--well, it doesn't, but there's lots of blood, and Gore in the sense that a generic presidential candidate winds up with a big hole in his pants. What's more, the carnage is brought to you by Troma Films--the sick minds behind Toxic Avenger, Cannibal! The Musical, and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD. Now that's a pedigree. The bodily fluids spew at 9:15 tonight and 7 p.m. Sunday at the Cleveland Cinematheque, 11141 East Boulevard. For more information, call 216-421-7450.
Dancing in the Jingle Dress--a traditional Native American costume made from 365 silver snuff caps--is no night on the town for Chippewa women. Once they wear it, they've chosen it as their lifelong ceremonial garb. Several jingle dancers will be among the tribal performers at the American Indian Center's annual Edgewater Pow-Wow. Members of about forty tribes, many dressed in full regalia, are expected to make the trip to Cleveland for the event, which features Native American food (buffalo burgers, fry bread, berry punch), craft demonstrations, and fancy-dancing competitions. Admission to the Pow-Wow is $5. It runs from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. today at Edgewater Park in Cleveland; for more information, call the American Indian Center at 216-281-8480.
Everybody looks a lot better in Linda McCartney's photographs from the 1960s. Take, for instance, Jerry Garcia . . . why, in 1968, he doesn't seem a day over half-dead. And then there's Keith Richards--in the early '60s, his skin, not his pall, is practically luminescent. Linda McCartney's Sixties: Portrait of an Era features 47 black-and-white and color photographs by Paul's wife, who died last year. The captured celebrities include the Who, the Doors, Otis Redding, and Jimi Hendrix. The show runs through August 8 at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, 1 Key Plaza. Admission to the Rock Hall is $14.95. For more information, call 1-888-764-ROCK.
It's hard to find quality family entertainment in Cleveland, let alone quality family entertainment that involves 24-inch-long George Washington hats. To satisfy that founding-father fancy, one must drive to Akron, for the Carousel Dinner Theatre's summer musical revue, American Jubilee, which plays all the hits from the '70s, '80s, and 1890s. The show includes a patriotic section that's about as long as Florida, as well as a tribute to American Bandstand, with all the memorable tunes you'd like to forget real soon, from Chubby Checker's "The Twist" to Cher's "I Believe." Tonight's performance starts at 8 p.m. (preceded by a 6 p.m. dinner), and tickets are $25.50 and $36.50. Carousel Dinner Theatre is at 1275 East Waterloo Road; call 800-362-4100.
He helped save the Spiders vs. Sailors scene in King Kong from eternal swab duty on the cutting-room floor. Now Cleveland film archivist Dave Massaro, a former English teacher at West Tech High School, is on a solo crusade to rescue lost footage from 1925's The Lost World, a silent man vs. dinosaur thriller by Kong animator Willis O'Brien. About eight and a half charming minutes of leaf-chomping and tyrannosaurus wrestling were cut from the release, merely because an animator accidentally wandered on camera. Massaro's plea: Put it back in, and splice out the few frames with the wayward studio hand. At a rare screening of The Lost World tonight, Massaro will show two bits of the lost footage. In one, a sneering brontosaurus runs through the streets of London, while the other wee gem has a monoclonius ripping out the stomach of an allosaur. (But even if those big lizards are restored someday, there's still no rest for Massaro, because King Kong isn't yet complete. The restored flick leaves out a crucial tickling scene, which finds Kong fondling Fay Wray's breasts. We'll wait for the video version, thanks.) The Lost World screens at 7:30 p.m. at the Cleveland Museum of Art, 11150 East Boulevard. Silent-movie organist Dennis James, who specializes in early sci-fi films, provides the accompaniment. Admission is $10; $6 children twelve and under. For more information, call 216-421-7340.