I am a 38-year-old lesbian, very femme, very out. I have a coworker I can't figure out. We've worked together for a year and gotten very close. I never want to put out the wrong signals to coworkers, and I err on the side of keeping a safe but friendly distance. This is different. We are each other's confidants at work. We stare at each other across the office, we text until late at night, and we go for weekend dog walks. Her texts aren't overtly flirty, but they are intimate and feel more than friendly. I've never had a "straight" girl act like this toward me. Is she into me? Or just needy? Is it all in my head?
— Workplace Obsession Roiling Knowing-If-Nervous Gal
Five weeks ago, a letter writer jumped down my throat for giving advice to lesbians despite not being a lesbian myself. Questions from lesbians have been pouring in ever since — lesbians apparently don't like being told who they may or may not ask for advice. Three weeks ago, I responded to a man whose coworker asked him if he might want to sleep with the coworker's wife — a coworker who was "not [his] boss"—and people jumped down my throat for entertaining the idea because it is NEVER EVER NEVER EVER okay to sleep with a coworker and/or a coworker's spouse. And now here I am responding to a question from a lesbian who wants to sleep with a coworker. Farewell to my mentions, as the kids say.
Here we go, WORKING ...
Your straight-identified workmate could be straight, or she could be a lesbian (lots of lesbians come out later in life), or she could be bisexual (most bisexual women are closeted, and others are perceived to be straight despite their best efforts to identify as bisexual) — and lots of late-in-lifers and/or closeted folks don't come out until some hot same-sex prospect works up the nerve to ask them out. If your coworker isn't currently under you at work and you're not an imminent promotion away from becoming her supervisor and your company doesn't incentivize workplace romances by banning them, ask your coworker out on a date — an unambiguous ask for a date, not an appointment to meet up at the dog park. And this is important: Before she can respond to your ask, WORKING, invite her to say "no" if the answer is no or "straight" if the identity is straight. Good luck!
I'm a woman in my early 60s with a healthy lifestyle and an even healthier libido. I've had almost exclusively hetero relationships, but I've been attracted to women all my life and all of my masturbation fantasies involve women. The older I get, the more I think about a relationship with a woman. The thought of being in love with a woman, making love with her, sharing a life with her — it all sounds like heaven. The trouble is that it's really hard to see how I'll meet women who would be interested in me. There's rarely anyone my age on dating apps. I don't even know what age range is reasonable. What's a reasonable age difference for women with women? Also, who is going to be interested in a rookie? Advice?
— Energetic Lonely Dame Envisioning Relationship
Emmy Award-winning actress Sarah Paulson is 43 years old and Emmy Award-winning actress Holland Taylor is 75 — and Sarah and Holland have been girlfriends for almost three years. Emmy Award-winning talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres is 60 years old and Screen Actors Guild-Award-winning actress Portia de Rossi is 45 years old — and Ellen and Portia have been together for 13 years and married for almost 10. There are lots of non-Emmy/SAG-Award-winning lesbians out there in relationships with significant age gaps. So don't let the lack of older women on dating apps prevent you from putting yourself out there on apps and elsewhere, ELDER. As for your rookie status, there's an example of a lesbian pining over a rookie in this very column!
And remember: If you put yourself out there, you might be alone a year from now — but if you don't put yourself out there, you'll definitely be alone a year from now.
On the Lovecast, the art of the consensual dick pic: savagelovecast.com.