Savage Love

Savage Love: Slight Christmas

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Straight and married but not boring, and heading to my parents' house for our first family Christmas since my asshole MAGA brother "stumbled over" the Tumblr blog where the wife and I posted about our sexual adventures. (Pics of MMF threesomes and cross-dressing/pegging sessions, plus some dirty "true enough" stories.) My brother has always been an angry screwup, so he leapt on the chance to send the link to my parents, siblings, and even some close family friends. Our Tumblr blog is still up because we aren't ashamed. Any advice?

— Totally Uncool Malicious Bastard's Lame Reveal

Your Tumblr blog isn't going to be up for much longer, TUMBLR, as the company that owns Tumblr — Verizon — is ashamed of your blog and the millions of others like it. Tumblr announced last week that all "adult" content is banned as of Dec. 17. And the definition of "adult content" is pretty broad: "photos, videos, and GIFs of human genitalia, female-presenting nipples, and any media involving sex acts, including illustrations."

This is not just a blow to people who use Tumblr for porn — and that's most people who use Tumblr — but also to the sex work community. Sex workers had already been driven off most other online platforms by anti-sex-work crusaders, and now they are being driven off Tumblr as well. Forcing sex workers off the internet won't end sex work, the stated goal of anti-sex-work crusaders, but it will make sex work more dangerous — which tells us everything we need to know about the motives of anti-sex-work crusaders. Sex workers weren't just advertising online, they were organizing — in addition to honing the political argument for decriminalizing sex work, they were screening potential clients and sharing information with each other about dangerous clients. Just like anti-choice/anti-abortion crusaders, anti-sex-work crusaders don't want to "protect" women; they want to punish women for making choices they disapprove of. (As a general rule: If what you're doing makes people less safe, you don't get to claim you're trying to protect anyone — it's like claiming you only set houses on fire to drive home the importance of smoke alarms.)

Anyway, fuck your sex-shaming/smut-shaming brother, TUMBLR. As for the rest of your family, you and the wife should slap smiles on your faces and act like you've done nothing wrong — because you haven't done anything wrong.

How can I explain to my sisters that although I am a free sexual woman, I still prefer men as sexual partners? My sisters are both involved with women and they cannot understand how, with all the awful sexual inequality in the world, I can still be primarily attracted to men. Sometimes I even imagine my sexuality as a gay man's sexuality in a woman's body, and I try to explain it to them in this way. I'm not kidding around by asking this question. This is a real issue.

— Give It To Me Straight

P.S. I have a straight male friend who says he's a lesbian trapped in a man's body. What do you think of this?

You can't help who you're attracted to, GITMS, and the contempt of family members can't change a person's sexual or romantic orientation. Your sisters should understand that, since they most likely wouldn't be with women if the contempt of family members had that kind of power.

As for describing yourself as a gay man trapped in a woman's body and your straight male friend describing himself as a lesbian trapped in a man's body ... Unless the two of you are trans — in which case, you could be homos trapped in the wrong bodies — your friend is just another straight guy mortified by the mess straight people (mostly white, mostly men) have made of the world. You're also mortified by straightness, GITMS, or at least the sexual inequality that often comes with it. But instead of your straight male friend opting out of heterosexuality (which he can't do) or you framing your attraction to men as a gay thing to get your sisters off your back (which you shouldn't have to do), your friend should identify as straight (because he is) and you should identify as someone who doesn't give a shit what her sisters think (because you shouldn't).

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