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Tickle Me Emo

Emo bands: Stop gaying up rock with your whiny band names.

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Really. Stop using Mad Libs for band names.

Call your band Taking Back Sunday, and you sound like a bunch of whiners. Lord knows, it's rough owning a PlayStation 2 when all your dudes have Xbox 360s, but really, nobody cares about how deprived you are.

Here's another helpful hint: As far as rock bands go, the word "Sunday" should only be used in its ancient form of "Sabbath," and only with the word "Black" in front of it.

In fact, refrain from using the word "Day," period. That includes you, Saves the Day. And Slow Coming Day? Is that a band, or a euphemism for erectile dysfunction?

Which brings us to Dashboard Confessional. Seriously, did Chris Carrabba steal that idea from some 14-year-old girl's Lisa Frank diary?

And another thing: Hawthorne Heights is not a band name. It's a good title for an Emily Brontë novel. And Jimmy Eat World? What is that, a UPN sitcom?

Whatever happened to the days when rock bands had names you were proud to shout, like Motörhead, the Clash, and Electric Light Orchestra?

Even Queen is less gay than Fall Out Boy.

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