Members Only at Ikea?

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I know Cleveland feels so slighted after Ikea rejected us for its first Ohio store. But, hey, can you blame them for picking good ol' Cincinnati? Yeah, I totally wasn't aware that racist Republicans go crazy for those streamlined Klippan sofas either - so gay, right? I was sure those people still mounted buck heads above their mantels and decorated their couches with American flag throws. But after seeing the 2007 Ikea Catalog, I'm now totally convinced that the right is the Swedish store's new target audience. Let me explain: If you open up the catalog cover's foldout, you'll find a young family lounging on a superbly decorated bed (probably reading Ann Coulter or something). Of course, the shot would not be complete without the family dog -- and its rather large human appendage! Yes, it appears that a pissed-off graphic designer managed to Photoshop an erect (and circumcised!) human penis onto the poor pup and sneak the image past production. Maybe the guy (or gal) was from Cleveland? Of course, Ikea has denied any such perversions, claiming that the phallus is nothing more than the dog's leg. Whatever. After closely analyzing the photo, I actually think Ikea did it on purpose -- to target Cincinnati consumers! See, placing a giant penis amid a metrosexual aesthetic subconsciously makes right-wingers feel less emasculated when trying to decide between the poppy orange Bibbi Snurr pillowcase or the polka-dotted Tyra Sno one. -- Denise Grollmus

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