Mayor Eric Brewer delivers his Cheers & Jeers to a standing-room-only audience.
In a naked attempt to ride the success of The Plain Dealer's
enormously successful feature "Cheers and Jeers," which they in turn stole from another paper, C-Notes hereby launches the inaugural issue of Cheers & Jeers: Celebrity Edition
. Each week we'll bring you the latest takes on what sucks and what don't from Cleveland's hottest and most controversial pulic figures!
This week, leading off our lineup is the biggest celebrity of all: East Cleveland Mayor Eric Brewer
To muthafuckin' Kim Jong Il, my nigga. Cause the dude just don't give a fuck. He be like, "Yeah, I got some muthafuckin' nukes. BLAM!" Yeah, that's cool, dog. That be like the cops tryin' to run up on Eric Brewer for clockin' my nine milli. I tell 'em like this: "Yo, I plead the second amendment, muthafucka, right to bear arms, bitch."
To Mitzi Jerman, city's friendliest bartender, dead at 92. Friendly my black ass! What about the time she tried to kick me out for drinkin' forties and bustin' my raps. Then her cracker ass dog bit me. That honky is lucky Eric Brewer didn't kill cap at 84. Pop! Pop!
To Christopher Muthafuckin' Columbus. For discovrin' America and all that shit, but most of all for givin' Eric Brewer a muthafuckin' day off work, negro. You my dog! Yeah-ee. Yeah-ee. Monday was the shiznit, dog — smokin' blunts, gettin' faded, seein' some of my hos in different area codes. Yo, I be tappin' the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, you know what I mean, g?
To Secretary of State Ken Blackwell. What up, dog? I thought we was cool. But you ain't been returnin' my calls, negro. We supposed to be brothas, Ken. You know, like Kid 'n Play. You was Play. I was the dude with the really tall hair. Sup, homie. You need some crack?