What better way to spread the holiday joy than with a gift card from Ticketmaster, where you can buy tickets to all your favorite shows at prices marked up like Afghan heroin. This year, Ticketmaster unveiled its first-ever gift card. They start at $25, which at today's prices might get you into a stand-up show by Sinbad, or perhaps a juicer demonstration. But that's before Ticketmaster adds its "convenience charge" and "building facility charge," which, when you're buying multiple tickets, can mean premiums of up to 40 percent. Unfortunately, since Ticketmaster holds a monopoly, you're about as helpless as a customer of FirstEnergy. Happy Holidays, Sucka! -- Jared Klaus

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