We suggest you don't take preschoolers, your cousin the nun, or any card-carrying member of the Christian Coalition to the Blood, Sweat & Beers
concert on Dec. 15 at the Barking Spider
The Canton-based duo of Patrick "Big Pat" Masalko and Eric Rine have made it a musical point to write lyrics strictly about sex -- i.e. the kind in which only hardcore fetishists or experimental teens engage.
Take their synth-pop ditty, "The Cleveland Steamer," whose title can best be described on the ultra-popular, all-reliable, reader-driven Wikipedia
Trusting that your preschooler, cousin, or best Bible-belt buddy isn't reading this blog, we shall enlighten you on this sex act presumably named after our fair metropolis. If we may be so blunt, a "Cleveland Steamer" involves a man defecating on his partner's chest, then spreading the feces around with his butt.
Needless to say, it's music to all misogynists' ears, especially Masalko and Rine's. "Half the people in the audience don't even realize what we're saying," insists Masalko. "They can hear the word jizz
in harmony, and they're, like, 'What are they talking about?'' I laugh so much everyday thinking about what we do."
You can read more about these "intellectual smuts" (Masalko's words, not ours) in the December 13 issue of Scene
. But we'll leave you with this tease: If you plan to go to their 8:30 p.m. show, head straight to Wikipedia and look up "tea-bagging" beforehand. That way, you can sing along when they rev up their guitars for a rousing rendition of "Russell Crowe."
Don't ask. You'll find out when you get there. — Cris Glaser