The controversial morning-after-pill, quite possibly the best invention since the Model T, is now available over-the-counter at pharmacies across the country. This means no matter where you are in America, you can knock up your girlfriend and A) never have that awkward conversation where you say you'd love to be a father if it weren't for your mound of credit card debt and your hatred of children, and B) get some snacks at CVS. Even better, the pill works as long as she takes it within 72 hours, so you have plenty of time to sleep off that hang-over first.
Now, go have some unprotected sex. — Jared Klaus