The Plot to Save Rock

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Could a secret Jimmy Page riff save us from James Blunt?
This just in, from the World's Greatest Newspaper, The Onion: Music legends have devised a plan to save rock music. No, we're not talking about the Rock Hall—even old potheads know that Lake Erie isn't the place to launch a revolution. We're talking about a never-before-heard Jimmy Page guitar riff, hidden until now in a mythic vault. It's being released to rescue us from the "perfect storm of lameness" that plagues the modern rock scene. "Let's give rock and roll its fucking balls back," Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi is quoted as saying. Adds ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons, "When a puss like James Blunt is allowed to rule the airwaves, we must respond by exposing this monster riff, and blowing minds into the stratosphere." Read the full, groundbreaking story here. -- Lisa Rab

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