The Softer Side of Dennis Kucinich

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It looks like Dick Cheney will stay in the Oval Office for at least another day. West Side congressman and Christmas elf Dennis Kucinich elected to delay today’s press conference calling for Cheney’s impeachment after doctors discovered a blood clot in the vice president’s leg. It looks like Dick Cheney will stay in the Oval Office for at least another day. West Side congressman and Christmas elf Dennis Kucinich elected to delay today’s press conference calling for Cheney’s impeachment after doctors discovered a blood clot in the vice president’s leg. Archeologists believe it’s been 30 years since Kucinich last resisted an urge to hold a press conference starring Dennis Kucinich. But the elfin one appears to be minding his manners a bit more these days after he was recently caught exposing his true nature. The congressman had exhorted his supporters – all six of them – to conduct covert opposition research on his opponents. A day later, he was forced to reverse course when they reminded him that he’s supposed to be the sensitive, New Age candidate. “Until the vice president’s condition is clarified, I am placing any action on hold,” Kucinich said in a statement. Action, under his definition, apparently means moving his lips. Cheney’s doctors are said to be relieved by the announcement, since they were scared any outburst of laughter might have sent their patient into cardiac arrest. Kucinich is expected to reschedule his press conference after the vice president recovers, at which point he will threaten to gum Cheney very hard on the shin if the vice president refuses to resign. – Jared Klaus

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