Congressman Creepy Elf -- a.k.a Dennis Kucinich -- has been taking shots at his own party lately, criticizing Democratic candidates John Edwards and Bill Richardson for boycotting a Fox News debate scheduled for August.
“If you want to be the president of the United States, you can’t be afraid to deal with the people with whom you disagree politically,” said Kucinich, who's happy to appear at car accidents and house fires, as long as TV cameras are present.
But if you want to get re-elected to congress, you can be as much of a pussy as you want. After all, Kucinich has routinely avoided debates in his own congressional elections. Sometimes he gives the ol' I Forgot I Had A Previous Commitment Excuse. Sometimes he just doesn't bother to show. Organizers have gotten so used to it they've starting placing an empty high chair where the little man is supposed to be sitting.
In his most memorable act of cowardice, Kucinich pulled a no-show at a City Club debate with primary opponent Barbara Ferris. So Ferris decided to confront him directly, showing up at Kucinich's Lakewood office, where he was in the midst of -- you guessed it -- holding another press conference. Laboratory results on his underwear from that day are expected to confirm that he shat himself. -- Jared Klaus