For (at least) the second consecutive year, Esquire
magazine has neglected to include a single Cleveland haunt on its bulky list of the Best Bars in America. Last year’s edition
featured two bars from Seattle, three from San Fran, five from Chicago, and one from goddamned Hoonah, Alaska.
This year’s addition, in the issue just hitting newsstands, includes a bunch of bars from a bunch of fancy cities, and even one from Columbus. Seriously.
Now maybe you think Esquire
is a sissy rag for guys who groom their cats and pound fruit drinks through fluorescent straws. (Which would make you right.) Maybe you’re relieved that some well-coiffed New York guy with too many initials didn’t saddle up next to you at Little Bar and start critiquing its Tangueray selection. But it happens to trouble me that the shiny-haired gents who read Esquire
won’t get to recognize the beauty of Cleveland’s many great bars.
I won’t get into which bar(s) might qualify for Esquire’s
honor. (I am only an adopted son of this city; in such a crucial area, I don’t believe I get a vote.) But I will encourage you to email Esquire’s editors (firstname.lastname@example.org) and hang their asses for neglecting this city of upstanding drunks.
And while you’re at it, give us some tips on which bar you count as Cleveland’s best. We all know that’s America’s best bar anyway – whether some New York candy asses understand this or not. – Joe P. Tone