Monday’s SportsCenter features a day in the life
of Jeff Garcia
, the former quarterback of the 49ers, Browns, Lions, and Eagles, current quarterback of the Buccaneers, and the future back-up quarterback of a co-ed flag team in Gary, Indiana.
The piece starts on a golf course with Garcia and his really average-looking wife, Carmella DeCesare
. The former Playmate and Cleveland native inexplicably spends the piece’s opening minutes smooching her husband and not kicking people in the face
Garcia then heads to a new high school in his hometown of Gilroy, California. That’s when the hilarity ensues. Garcia spots a kid wearing No. 5 Browns jersey and says, apparently seriously, “That’s a classic jersey right there.” The kid’s face is blank; I’d like to say he understood how utterly ridiculous the statement was, but the kid was like 10.
But Garcia goes on: “That’s a collector’s item,” he adds. “You can’t find those anymore.”
Apparently Garcia thinks every one of his jerseys was sold out during the 47 minutes he was in Cleveland. And apparently he thinks everyone who had the misfortune of buying one is holding onto it, just in case they ever see Carmella getting drunk in a bar and want to try the old Pretend You’re an Aging Quarterback Move.
Shockingly, this is not the case. The jerseys are all over eBay, and most of the “Clearance” section of the Browns’ online team shop
is devoted to Garcia apparel (along with a Garcia bobble head [$3] and a lone Trent Dilfer jersey). The old No. 5’s are such hot collector items that they’re marked down 87 percent, to a whopping $10.
I’m thinking about buying one. I need to wash my car weekend, and I’m all out of rags. – Joe P. Tone