The Creepy Elf Goes Pro on Letterman


Congressman Dennis Kucinich recently appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman to promote his new run for president of the United States. Sitting on a stack of phone books, Kucinich outlined his policy objectives, told a few sob stories about living in poverty and sleeping in cars as a child, and even dished the scoop on his marriage to 14-foot-tall bombshell Elizabeth Harper (or maybe she just looks that tall standing next to Dennis). The audience seemed to get a kick out of the little guy – though some children, believing him to be a rabid white-tailed Gibbon, screamed for Jungle Jack Hanna to put him back in his cage. The Top Ten Sound Bites by the Elf: 10). “I think as we get down to the end of the campaign, I'll be one of three people left in the race.” Translation: Like last time, I’m not going to stop running until the Elections Commission orders me to give my taxpayer-funded campaign money back. 9). “They had a national poll last week that showed me at 3 percent, which means some people, with the margin of error, believe I actually exist.” Translation: That was a joke. OK, so we lied. We got bored halfway through and flipped to re-runs of Three’s Company. We flipped back just in time to hear Dennis drop his No. 1 line. You have to admire the guy for keeping a straight face. 1). “It's not about me, really.” -- Jared Klaus

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