The Most Offensive Toy Ever Invented


"Not cool, guys. Not cool."
Toy creator Mark Pirro may have created the most tasteless toy ever invented. It’s sort of like a Magic 8-Ball, but instead of an 8-ball it’s a model of Jesus’s head. To get Jesus to answer your prayers, simply twist the crown of thorns and listen to the savior yelp in pain, pleading for mercy. “I’m just the middleman!” is only one of over 100 pre-programmed responses. For a demonstration, or to order one of the toys for the low low price of just $29.95, watch the commercial here. The toy is aptly named the “Submissive Jesus Prayer-Answering Talking Head,” not to be confused with the “Submissive Mayor Press-Conference-Holding Talking Head,” which is actually Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson. And the toy is creating quite a stir among many in the Christian community. A local news station in Reno, Nevada, captured the sentiment in a story you can view here. Reactions range from an enraged priest urging Christians to boycott the dolls – as if any God-fearing person would think the real Jesus might get the joke – to a young man named David, a student at the University of Nevada, who may have provided the best quote in journalism history: “I don’t find it offensive at all,” says David. “It never said, ‘David, we are trying to make fun of you. You are stupid.’ It’s just torturing Jesus.” You know the world’s gotten too serious when you can’t even torture a likeness of Jesus Christ without offending someone. Pirro, an atheist, claims he sold 400 of the dolls in two days. And if he makes enough money, he’ll expand his product line to include talking heads disgracing other Gods as well. And what does Jesus have to say about this? [Twist, twist] – “Ohh, it hurts!!!!” – Jared Klaus, future correspondent, Burning in Hell Bureau

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