Oink! Kucinich, Tubbs-Jones fail RePORK Cards, try to steal them from mailbox before mom gets home


Dennis Kucunich never met a taxpayer's dollar he didn't like.
The Club for Growth, a conservative advocacy group on Whore Hill, recently released its “RePORK Card,” which grades members of Congress on their willingness to say no to pork. As directed by city charter, our local politicians, who never were that good at anything, failed miserably. To come up with the grades, the group counted how many times each member of Congress voted against pork-project amendments – add-ons to unrelated spending bills that earmark money for particular projects, like new bridges, or a new flat screen for the cartoon tree where Dennis Kucinich whips up his famous cookies. Just like on those report cards you used to “accidentally” drop in Dad’s shredder, the higher the grade, the better. Naturally, the Republicans shined. Sixteen GOPers earned perfect scores. On the Democrats’ side, after Tennessee Rep. Jim Cooper (98 percent), the next closest topped out at 20 percent. In all, 81 Dems scored zeroes. Here in Ohio, we had two of the highest scores -- Republicans Steve Chabot (96 percent) and Jim Jordan (98) -- and four of the lowest. Dennis Kucinich, that loveable hairless terrier occasionally seen dodging traffic on Clifton, was among the four Ohio pols who scored zeroes. Our average for the 18-member delegation: 22 percent. But don’t blame it all on Kucinich. Stephanie Tubbs-Jones pulled a ham-fisted two-fer. She voted for just one of the 50 pork-killing amendments, and even tried to score $2 million for Sherwin-Williams. Always nice to have your hometown politician, whose city is more dangerous than those scary fiery-castle levels in Super Mario Bros., lifting from the till on behalf of a company that’s made millions poisoning kids. To make matters worse, Tubbs-Jones pulled the ultra-cool move of leaving somebody else – Pennsylvania’s John Murtha – to defend it on the floor. He couldn’t. While disappointing, Kucinich and Tubbs Jones’ RePORK Cards weren’t surprising; they sucked last year, too. “They’ve been pretty consistent porkers,” says Club spokeswoman Nachama Soloveichik. – Jason Nedley


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