Carl Monday Cuts Out the Middle Man. Take That Crazy Driver!


When a woman plowed her pickup truck into the Justice Center parking garage on Wednesday, causing severe damage to the building, she figured she could make a clean getaway. There were no cops on the street, only an unarmed county worker manning the gate to the garage. This was no surprise in Cleveland, where approximately 1.4 cops are assigned to patrol the entire city. So the woman made a break for it. She backed up, then hopped on the freeway and headed east. Little did she know that someone was following her. [Cue Tomorrow Never Dies soundtrack]. The name’s Monday – Carl Monday. That’s right. Action News investigator Carl Monday and cameraman were hot on the woman’s tail. Sources inside Channel 19 say they were originally headed to bust a 13-year-old kid masturbating in the bathroom of Quizno’s, but, after witnessing the crash, Monday decided to go after the big score. When the woman stopped her truck in University Heights, Monday approached with camera rolling. “Nice driving job, ma’am,” the master of sarcasm said to the woman. “How come you didn’t stick around?” But the woman was a sly one herself. “I have a heart condition,” she gasped, leaning up against the truck and panting. Monday had seen this act before. He decided to call the woman on her own bluff, dialing 9-1-1 for an ambulance. Sure enough, after paramedics asked the woman to come to the hospital, she refused, then drove away. The cops are still searching for her. So, from now on, if you’re ever in danger, don’t call 9-1-1. Call 216-367-7311, the Carl Monday tipline, with an average response time 15 minutes quicker than the Cleveland Police. -- Jared Klaus


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