Breaking News: The Jerry Springer Show is fake!

by

4 comments
To the three Northeast Ohioans who are convinced that the knock-down dragouts on the Jerry Springer Show are authentic, tuck this upcoming segment into your “what-was-I-thinking?” file. On Monday, two well-worn drag queens from Cleveland flew to the show’s Chicago studios to bitch-slap each other in an episode that will air in about three weeks. The feud between the sixty-something “Uncle Vinny” and thirty-something “Robin Banks” stemmed from an ongoing love triangle with a – gasp! – straight dude. Knowing they could get the show to pay air fare and an overnight stay at a swanky Windy City hotel, this dynamic duo put their story on videotape and sent it in. The producers salivated over it and invited them to air their queer quarrel in public. The best part is that they also promised that the show’s resident “minister,” the drunk and dissheveled Rev. Schnorr, would marry the “winner” and her paramour on stage. But there’s a glitch in this girls-gone-wild scenario. Vinny – who, sources say, is a “wrinkled-up, 100-year-old grandma” – and Banks are actually best of friends. And because they like to steal the spotlight whenever they can, they asked a gay pal to play the straight-man part. Sadly, due to a confidentiality clause in their contracts, nobody’s saying who tied the knot in the end. “No one in their right mind anywhere in this country is going to believe this bullshit,” says an intimate of both Vinny and Banks. “It’s just proof positive that nothing on Jerry Springer is for real.” -- Cris Glaser

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club


Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.


Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.


Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club for as little as $5 a month.