The Devil Wears Dress Slacks, and Eats at Tower Shitty


hideki.jpg The enemy is in town. And they’re eating at Houlihan’s. This inteprid reporter was wandering around the near-empty Tower City, the Worst Mall in America, at 9:30 last night when he ran into none other than Yankee outfielder and Japanese demi-god Hideki Matsui, wearing a white dress shirt and slacks. The only establishment open was Houlihan’s. I said, dripping with sarcasm, “Good luck, Godzilla!” Matsui said, “Hi! How are you!” Don't challenge me, Matsui. Not in Tower City. This is my turf. “Good luck, Godzilla!” I repeated, in a tone that let him know he better beat it before things get uncivil. He said, “Thank you!” Then we accidentally walked in the same direction for a few minutes. He seemed lost, so I asked him if he was looking for the parking lot. He nodded, so I pointed him to the right door. Goddamn you, Godzilla. Goddamn you. -- Gus Garcia-Roberts


Add a comment