Dating Website for Farmers Created; Sheep Nationwide Breathe Sigh of Relief

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"Doesn't this guy ever get enough?"
After a long day of manually impregnating heifers, many rural Ohioan men would like to come home and impregnate something else. But alas, it’s hard to meet people out there in farm country. Sometimes it seems that only the gophers are reproducing. But don’t despair, farmers, and put down that meth pipe: a dating website has been created just for you. It's called Farmersonly.com, and it's a place for people like “Horse Loving Christian," a woman from Wilmington, whose personal ad ends, “I love a good deer burger, or squirrle & gravey.” “You don't have to be a farmer to be on FarmersOnly.com,” explains Jerry Miller, founder of the site, in his mission statement, “but you do have to have the good old-fashioned traditional values of America's Heartland.” Sorry, Osama. Try eHarmony. -- Gus Garcia-Roberts

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