Sour Grapes, Part 1 of 142: Red Sox Fans Suck!


Yeah? Well fuck you too, kid.
If you’re still an Indians fan, you’ve probably been getting a lot of grief from Red Sox fans about their recent triumph in the ALCS. They’re from Boston, they’re from the East Coast, they have gaudy accents, they have caaaahs, and sportsbaaahs, and apples, so they must be better. The Patriots are better than the lowly Browns, and the Red Sox just bought the ALCS to head to the World Series. We get it. But here's one reason why you shouldn’t feel so bad. It has nothing to do with baseball, but desperate times, as the saying goes ... The Red Sox release a couple hundred (usually 350) tickets right before every game. These tickets aren’t sold ahead of time, and they can’t be bought off the internet by semi-rich yuppie asshats proving that they are cool by being in the cool place at the cool time. Now, Fenway Park is a pretty small place, seating some 4,563 people less than Jacobs Field. Pretty soon, Boston is going to break Cleveland’s 455 game sell-out streak and proclaim Beantown natives to be the Best Fans in the Land™. (Well, they already do that, but they do it in such a pompous way that I’ve stopped listening.) So they are much more rabid fans than we are, right? They are much more passionate and rich and snotty and more like Dane Cook than we could ever dream of being. Right? Apparently not. My buddy in Boston (he’s one of these fans, by the way) stood in line on Saturday night at 5:00pm – just three hours before Game 6 of the ALCS started – and got two of those 350 tickets. A small stadium, a huge metropolitan area, one of the “best” fan bases in all of baseball (what the fuck is “The Nation” anyway?), and lots of money (enough to buy those ugly green and pink hats), and you can stand in line a measly three hours before the fucking game starts and get two of the 350 tickets released for that game? Never would have happened here. No chance. We’re fucking fans, and either 1. Boston fans have no idea what’s really happening with their team, or 2. They’re too uppity to stand in line for tickets. Either way, that’s pathetic. -- Vince Grzegorek


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