Hey Jealousy: In Cleveland, Belichick's a Bum


What makes Belichick great? For Clevelanders, the answer is the pretty boy behind center.
With former Browns coach Bill Belichick now in the Super Bowl, and endless space to fill before the game is played on Sunday, many have taken a stab at determining what’s made the Patriots' patriarch one of the best coaches of all time. The opinions are obviously varied. ... Judy Battista wrote in the New York Times that Belichick's current success stems from his time as defensive coordinator for the New York Giants, a handy angle considering he’ll be matching up against them this Sunday. Gene Wojciechowski of ESPN.com says that to really understand Bill’s greatness, you have to look back at his time in Cleveland, where he had the chance to make every mistake imaginable and then learn from them elsewhere. The Browns as Carrie Underwood Theory. Super. Finally there’s Michael Rand of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, who credits Tom Brady for all of Belichick’s success in New England. The other option is that Art Modell gave Belichick Satan's direct office line, and Bill dialed that sinister bastard up and sold him soul, along with an autographed hoodie and some Sox tickets, in exchange for coaching immortality. That would at least explain the empty eyes and complete lack of personality. But my pierogie-stuffed gut tells me that Rand is right -- that Bill didn’t do this on his own, and that supermodel-loving Tom Brady has more to do with the Patriots success. But that's my job as a Cleveland fan: thinking Belichick sucks. As Clevelanders, we're entitled to hold steady to our belief that he’s a bum who should’ve done better for our beloved Brownies when he was here, or at the very least kept Bernie Kosar instead of giving him the boot. It’s like when your buddy lands a new date and asks you what you think. Since you haven’t had a date since the Dwight Clark Administration, you tell him, “She’s alright,” even though she’s obviously scorching hot. It’s blind jealousy in its most basic form. And it feels so good -- especially with Bernie back in Cleveland. -- Vince Grzegorek


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