You can see Sean Penn at the I-X Center. But you have to see Dennis Kucinich too

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Bill O’Reilly be damned, it’s hard to hate Sean Penn. The chain-smoking Brando of our generation keeps an Ann Coulter voodoo doll, pulled Katrina victims from the waters with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and does lunch with Hugo Chavez. But Shirley MacLaine be damned, it’s hard to love Dennis Kucinich. Yeah, he’s cute in a Gremlins sort of way, but driving our city to ruins and abandoning our congressional district are kind of dick moves. So when Penn lends his celebrity to the Kucinich congressional campaign, by speaking at a $1,000-per-ticket fundraiser at the I-X Center, it’s kind of like watching LeBron sign with the Brooklyn Nets in 2011. They’re perfect for each other and you knew it would happen, but … goddamnit, this metaphor is just too painful. ... The “We Love Dennis!” fundraiser — excuse me, “Fun Raiser” — is scheduled for the afternoon of February 17th, so naturally, it will be Valentine’s-themed. Seriously. Check out this banner, an ad so gushing with man-love that if Cam’ron were to accidentally come across it, he’d pour gasoline in his eyes and chant “no homo” for a week. The thousand-dollar ticket includes a “special reception” with Penn. A $100 ticket buys you a photo shoot with him. And if you’re an ungrateful cheapskate, $25 gets you in the door. A Kucinich aide expects 300 attendees, meaning this event will raise somewhere between $7,500 and $300,000 for the Congressman with the bottomless appetite — and height — of a downtown parking meter. Note to Joe Cimperman: You better pray for some sweet turnout at that Chinese New Year-themed, Bob Golic-hosted gala you have planned. – Gus Garcia-Roberts

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