Important news bulletin: A Toyota Land Cruiser tricked out with XXXChurch.com advertisements was seen buzzing through the Warehouse District this week. It was last seen going west on Saint Clair Avenue. The driver of this monstrosity could not be seen through the window, his face obscured by the giant “#1 porn site for Christians” sticker.
As it drove, the SUV distracted construction workers busy digging in the middle of the West Sixth Street with a backhoe. The thought of wholesome women from Bob Jones University in the buff was too much to handle.
But be warned, gentlemen. This is a cruel, cruel hoax. ...
According to exhaustive research by C-Notes – we’re here for you, dog --XXXChurch.com is a porn prevention website dreamed up by a local marketing group, which also produces tragic videos like the one above, in which guys tragically burn their porn. No boobs, no bums, and no secret shower cameras on this site. Not even way deep into the thing, if you click around all morning and into your lunch break, will you find anything remotely sexy. Trust us.
The site provides extensive help to parents, spouses, women, men, teens, pastors, bloggers – anyone, really, who sits around watching porn all day. Except gay folks, of course, since they’re already damned to redecorate the pits of hell for eternity. – Bradley Campbell