NASA sends Ohio State bow tie into space, because what else would they have to do?


If we really want to screw with the Russians, we'd send Tucker Carlson into space and then forget about him for, like, 70 years.
NASA, the proud space-exploration arm of the government, can notch another hole into its heat resistant belt. Thanks to cutting-edge research and multi-billion dollar financing, America can now brag that we are the first country in the world to get a bow tie into outer space. Yes, the bow tie, the symbol of preppy couture embraced by Winston Churchill, Tucker Carlson, and Croatian mercenaries during the Prussian wars of the 17th century, can now place itself among the ranks of Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, and Laika, the first dog in space. And Ohioans can be proud that this famous bow tie, while probably made in Indonesia, has its origins in the great Buckeye State. ... The Associated Press reported today that: “Dr. Richard Linnehan – an OSU alumnus -- took a scarlet-and-gray bow tie belonging to [OSU President] Gordan Gee aboard NASA’s space shuttle Endeavour. The university says it’s the first bow tie in outer space.” Talk about rubbing it in the faces of the Russians. Now we’re just setting records to set records. Russia’s newly elected President, Dmitry Medvedev, must be cursing his sputniks off to try and find a way to one up NASA’s latest feat. Not since the creation of Tang has it been such a good day to be an American. But to extend an olive branch out to our Cold War foe, might we humbly suggest their country blast up some cool Russian kitsch artifacts along with their cosmonauts the next time they venture past the atmosphere, like neon pink ushankas, Ekaterina Alexandrovna Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov figure skate action figures, or Dolf Lungren’s red and gold boxing shorts from Rocky IV. If the commies can accomplish this tiny task it might help make the space race a race once again. – Bradley Campbell


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