Cavs Lance Allred signs deal to write memoirs. Don’t expect many action scenes


"Hey, Wally, is there a plug for my laptop under your seat? I've got some writing to do."
In basketball, the term "victory cigar" often refers to a player whose very appearance on the court suggests that a win is eminent. During their 30-point annihilation of the Wizards in Game 2 on Tuesday, the Cavaliers didn't just light up one victory cigar; they torched an entire humidor. With the game all but over by the 4th quarter, both Brothers Jones (Dwayne and Damon) and Billy Thomas, a D-League call up who hadn't seen significant court time in two months, were sent in to claim the winner's spoils. It seemed every bench warmer would get his chance to shine -- except for one. ... Dressed in a corduroy blazer/jeans combo more appropriate for a church potluck, Lance Allred spent Monday night in much the same way he does every game: cheering on his teammates. Everyone's favorite Mormon-compound raised deaf giant literary giant was a victim of the NBA's limited playoff roster rules, which only allow 12 players to dress, and therefore didn't get a chance to log his first postseason minutes. But after the game, walking through the Q's corridors with his parents and high-fiving every towel boy in sight, Allred couldn't help but be excited by his latest good news: he's got a book deal. HarperCollins, perhaps persuaded by Allred's in-no-way-awkward plug during a CBS morning show, has agreed to publish his memoirs. The as-yet-unnamed book should be out next summer and, if his parents can be trusted to give an honest assessment (which they can't), it should be highly entertaining. – Caleb Hannan


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