North Royalton smoking ban: A totally irrational plea from a pissed-off smoker


Meet the next Jennie Finch.
Not pleased with the statewide smoking ban, the city of North Royalton, you might have heard, has decided to ban smoking on city-owned property, which includes public parks, parking lots, outdoor seating areas, and playing fields. Apparently the movement for such a ban gained momentum with a rash of smoking at Little League games, although the explanation from Mayor Robert Stefanik doesn’t make it clear whether it was the parents in the stands or the kids who were smoking, which would be pretty alarming, especially if they were unfiltered. ...
However: We smokers are a pretty lousy bunch, so I'll lay a theory on you: Your kid could do worse than being a baseball player that smokes. (Exhibit A: Roger Maris). I know a lot of people joke that when they have a son they’ll tie his right arm behind his back so he becomes a left-handed pitcher and, thus, a cash cow. (Exhibit B: Cliff Lee). I’m not opposed to this theory, but I'm telling you, you might also jack a Marlboro in his mouth, especially if you want to get him on the cover of Sports Illustrated. That’s beside the point though. The point is that I’m going to boycott the city of North Royalton out of principle and spite. Those city baseball fields were the same ones I played on when I was a youth, and the same ones I played drunken home run derby on the last couple of years at midnight after switching on the lights. I can burn through city tax dollars by turning on all the lights on the field -- tip: they don’t always lock the boxes -- but I can’t light up a smoke? -- Vince the Polack


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