In the last seven days, the Cleveland Indians compiled a depressingly mediocre record of 2-4 despite starting pitching that ranged from slightly better than good (C.C.) to absolutely superb (Aaron Laffey). It’s the offense and the bullpen that sunk to new levels ineptitude. That being said, here at C-Notes we like to stay positive about the Tribe. With that spirit in mind, we’d like to recognize the following three players for contributions they made to the team in the last week.
Casey Blake: Last week: .143 BA, .238 SLG, 7 SO, 1 BB, 1 RBI, 2 Errors
We originally wanted to congratulate Blake on the apparent success of a recent surgery that replaced his arms with solid blocks of wood, a procedure we thought explained his inexcusably bad defense, multiple errors, and complete inability to swing the bat. ...
Upon realizing that Blake still has regular human arms, we rescinded this offer and instead congratulate Blake on shaving off his beard without cutting his neck open and slicing an artery, a feat that we deem impressive considering his recent dextrous difficulties.
Rafael Betancourt: Last week: 0-1, 1.2 IP, 3 appearances, 1 K, 27.00 ERA, 6 H, 5 ER, 2 HR, 3.60 WHIP
C-Notes extends a hearty handshake today to Raffy Right for two reasons. First, for his willingness to pitch in such a fashion that fans in the bleachers had the chance to collect multiple souvenirs over the week. Second, we’d like to congratulate Raffy on making Joe Borowski look good by comparison, a sentiment that would have seemed implausible two weeks ago, but is a blistering and painful reality today.
Asdrubal Cabrera: Last week: 1-16 for a .063 BA, .063 SLG, .211 OBP
Usually we’d reserve praise of offensive numbers unless the player has more than one hit in a week – a pretty fair standard, we think. With slim pickings this week, however, we’d like to congratulate Cabrera for his singular hit last week, which snapped a streak of eight consecutive times the team had come to the plate with the bases loaded and walked back to the dugout without getting a hit and won the game 3-2 against Seattle in the bottom of the 11th inning. Keep in mind how important the hit was considering the Tribe entered the 9th inning with a 1-0 lead, only to have Rafael Betancourt and Casey Blake do their best to lose the game. If we had more than a couple of nickels in our pockets, we’d engrave a tee ball-style trophy with the following enscription: “At least nobody died this week.”
Congratulations to all the winners. – Vince the Polack