Team Impact wonders: What Would Jesus Inject?

by

comment
Boiled down to its core, the message of evangelical strongmen group Team Impact can be summarized by the following statements: (a) Don’t expect to get past the pearly gates if you can’t beat St. Peter in a greco-roman wrestling match, (b) Forget what you think about Heaven, it’s actually a non-stop Royal Rumble-style brawl, (c) God is totally cool with steroids. ... Team Impact, which makes a stop by the Grace Christian and Missionary Alliance Church in Middleburg Heights this weekend, preaches religion with muscle. In between the God stuff, the collection of former NFLers, bodybuilders, and Olympians break shit – bricks, blocks of ice, wood, concrete, your apathetic and lapsed sense of morality, etc. I’m pretty sure this is what Charles Kingsley and Thomas Hughes had in mind with Muscular Christianity; they were just waiting for the advent of performance enhancing drugs to take the concept to its pinnacle. If faith is measured by Body Mass Index, bench presses, and vein-busting, inhuman, chemical muscles, these dudes are a shoe-in for the eternal strong man competition in the sky. You? God doesn’t like scrawny people. Hit the gym. Come back when you can break 10 pieces of solid concrete with your forehead. Team Impact performs feats of strength tonight, Saturday, and Sunday at 7 p.m. at the Grace Christian and Missionary Alliance Church, 7393 Pearl Rd. Admission is free. HGH not included. – Vince the Polack

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club


Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.


Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.


Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club for as little as $5 a month.