After TransUnion class-action suit, Ohioans win $100 each, only not really

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This photo's relevant, we swear. Please see metaphor at the end of paragraph three.
If you’re an Ohioan who’s had a credit card at anytime since 1987—and if you’re like us, you’ve had 24 of them that have intermittently saved Christmas and ruined your life, in that order—you win a hundred bucks! Worth of some really unexciting credit services. Credit reporting giant TransUnion, it seems, has been running a nice racket on the side, selling your confidential credit info to marketers. After 10 years of lawsuits, the company has finally agreed to settle. But it’s paying Ohioans with credit reporting services, which is kind of like McDonald’s losing an obesity lawsuit and paying damages in Big Mac coupons, only not as cool, because Big Macs are pretty tasty. ... You can choose between a six-month or nine-month package of free credit monitoring from the company, according to an e-mail sent around from Ohio Treasurer Richard Cordray. The third option is to withdraw your take in cash, but that won’t be available for two years, when $100 is expected to buy you four gallons of gas and a bag of Bugles. And that’s only if the $75 million fund TransUnion has set up still has any cash in it in two years. We’re guessing it won’t. We’re guessing TransUnion has thought this out. After all that, if you’re still interested, you can file your claim here starting June 16 at www.listclassaction.com or by calling 866-416-3470. – Gus Garcia-Roberts

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