Parma Fretting About Junk Collectors (Insert Joke About Parma and Junk Here)

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Hey, look! A perfectly good half-carton of milk!
  • Hey, look! A perfectly good half-carton of milk!

It appears the citizens and leaders of Parma are worried about dumpster divers.

Councilman Brian Day brought up the issue at a recent meeting. Apparently there have been multiple complains by residents about those pesky people who rummage through trash on front lawns.

Forgive us, for a second, as we thought no one in Parma threw anything out. At least that's the anecdotal evidence we've collected through multiple visits to Parma abodes where homeowners show a more nuanced and superior packrat mentality than our Depression-era grandparents who saved every margarine container for the last 50 years.

But we digress.

People in Parma throw things out. And the hunter-gatherers stalking the street for discarded furniture like your stained-college futon and other useful items have become nuisance enough that Parma discussed just what the hell they could do to discourage the practical practice. After all, those people searching for reusable Cool Whip containers could also be foraging for sensitive, personal information for identity theft purposes.

One suggestion: Make anyone roaming trash heaps register with the city.

To which council president Charles Germana, logically replied that criminals just wouldn't register with the city.

If you outlaw garbage picking, only the outlaws will garbage pick. Or something like that.

Also, congratulate us on making it through this entire post without mentioning pink flamingos. That was hard.

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