Illinois Governor Exiles Asian Carp to China

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Youre sending me to China? No more makeout sessions for you!
  • You're sending me to China? No more makeout sessions for you!

That pesky Asian carp has sure grabbed some serious attention after one of its brethren was found swimming close to Lake Michigan last month. Fearing that this jerk of a fish will indeed grow to 100 feet long and starve out all the other fish in the Great Lakes, Gov. Pat Quinn of Illinois has come up with brilliant solution to this ever-growing dilemma: If you spot an Asian Carp, catch that bad boy and send him to China.

ChicagoBreakingNews is reporting Gov. Quinn has inked a deal with China to send it close to 30 million pounds of Asian carp a year, all from the Illinois River. It's a win-win deal, because China fancies the Asian carp as a delicacy. Big River Fisheries, the company that will be processing and sending the fish to China, will receive a $2 million upgrade for its facilities in light of the new agreement. The plan is to market the carp to "upscale Chinese restaurants. No word on whether the Man v. Food guy will be heading to China to attempt to eat an entire 100-foot carp.

Ross Harano, director of international sales for Big River Fisheries, already knows how he is going to con, excuse me, persuade the Chinese into buying the Asian carp.

We're marketing it as "Wild Mississippi River Fish'. It's all in how you market it over there."

The Asian carp had no comment.

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