We can't do better than the lede from the Lorain Morning Journal, so here it is:
A naked and intoxicated Pennsylvania man was accidentally run over and trapped underneath a car while sleeping in an alley Wednesday night, according to Lorain police.
Let's get to the details.
A host of civil service employees were called to a home around 11 p.m. last night. The scene police, firefighters, and EMTs discovered upon their arrival was nothing short of bizarre.
Family members say that Robert Biggenow, 24, was visited from out of town. He partook in a beverage or ten during his visit. Feeling sleepy, he told his family he was going to go lay down on the lawn.
The lawn, however, was not where he headed. Instead he headed towards an alley near the house, apparently stripped off his clothes, and passed out.
He was awoken by a neighbor who arrived home and parked his car in his usual spot. The usual spot just so happened to be where Biggenow was nakedly napping.
The neighbor turned off his car, which is when he heard Biggenow say, "Hey, get this car off me!"
According to police and the LMJ:
The driver yelled for help. One neighbor tried to lift the car with a hydraulic jack. When rescuers arrived, Biggenow’s legs were sticking out from under the passenger side of the car and he was semi-conscious, according to Lorain fire Lt. Thomas Lorbach.
Firefighters used a hydraulic spreader to lift the vehicle. Biggenow was taken to Community Regional Medical Center and was later flown to MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland, where he is listed in good condition by a hospital spokeswoman.
Biggenow suffered a collapsed lung and a lacerated liver, according to Soto. Police also said Biggenow may have suffered a head injury. No charges have been filed.