Cleveland Is The Third Most Stressful City in America

by

He doesnt looked stressed... for now.
  • He doesn't looked stressed... for now.

Another day, another list for Cleveland.

This time it's the "Most Stressful Place in America" rankings by Portfolio.com, where Cleveland comes in at No. 3

Before you moan about another seemingly lowly designation for the Forest City, first take a deep breath, you don't want to get any more stressed than you are.

Then step back and realize that, yeah, Cleveland's a pretty stressful city to call home, even if we all love it.

Portfolio factored in unemployment rates, financial factors, environment, living standards and more into their magical calculator that spit out data on the nation's most stressed towns.

But we don't need that data, right? We know it's stressful.

Just imagine a hypothetical day in the life of a Clevelander...

The day begins at dawn when you might wake up and pour water through the coffee machine to eek out some brew out of yesterday's grounds.

Then you might walk over to the computer, a fancy machine from some ten years ago that has more viruses than LiLo, to begin the job search. You're unemployed and have been for awhile.

The phone rings, but you know it's not a friend calling to see how you are. It's the bill collector, so you let it ring through.

Crackers for lunch. Yummy crackers. They're on sale at Marc's this week — three boxes for $2.

The job search complete — it only takes a few minutes since there are all of seven jobs open in the city at this moment — you retire to your living room and fire up the 13-inch TV to catch some news.

There's something about Jimmy Dimora and another round of corruption indictments. Perfect.

Then 19 Action News continues and you get a sharp pang in your brain. These people, of all people, have jobs, and worse, call themselves journalists. Plus your mustache will never be as cool as Carl Monday's.

A friend has an extra free ticket to the Indians game. The Tribe loses 18-2.

Must we go on?

comment

Add a comment