by Kyle Swenson
This one is a score for good-government tax-watchdogs everywhere. When North Ridgeville police began getting reports that the dancers at a local strip club were forgetting about the whole Look-But-Don’t-Touch rule, they went to investigate. And like any thorough investigator getting to the heart of an issue, they went undercover and paid for lap dances at the club.
The sleuthing wasn’t for naught. As a result of the investigation, police raided Chrissy’s Lounge in May and arrested four women for brandishing their who-has and getting touchy-touchy with the clientele (according to the city ordinances, erotic dancing is legal in North Ridgeville as long as the performers are all wearing bathing suits or lingerie and surrounded by six-feet of hands-off space, so about the sexual equivalent of being at a community pool).
This week three of the dancers were found guilty of disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, according to the Morning Journal. As punishment, Judge Lisa Locke Graves fined them each $50 and made them reimburse the police department $100 for the lap dances purchased by the undercover officers, thus saving some member of the department’s upper ranks an awkward couple of minutes when one day a budget committee looks over expense reports and sees a line item like this: “$400, Chrissy’s Lounge, Champagne Room.” Rest assured, residents of North Ridgeville, your tax dollars did not go to waste on a poll dance, you will be reimbursed!
On a side note, it must be a real bummer to be sitting around the undercover squad room when they’re handing out assignments and get stuck with something like this:
“What’d you get today, Al?”
“I gotta be Roadside Cracker Dealer. You?”
“Automatic Firearms Salesman, again. Boring right? Mitch, what’d they assign you?
“Ahh damnit, I'm stuck with just Drunken Lapdance Monger. Second time this month! How am I going to explain this to the wife again?"